The fat that leads us . . .

I had my final piece of crispy bacon . . .

It was soooooooo gooood . . .

The problem is, now that I know that was my LAST ONE (not ever mind you, just on a daily basis), now I want more!!

I have to admit, though, I am looking forward to Canadian Bacon and Egg white omelettes again. Call me crazy, but I actually enjoyed those things. Especially with a lot of pepper. Don't know why, but pepper makes the omelette!!

This weekend and the week that follows are going to be challenging though. I have Ronnie's babies all week - well at least for two days while he's at work. I don't THINK it'll be that bad . . . but then, I've thought that before.

So I have to work up a schedule for them too. And an eating plan. Is it fair for them to have cereal and milk while I have Canadian bacon and egg whites . . .

Wait, did I really ask that question? LOL - DUH . . . but then, if it's cold enough maybe I'll make us all oatmeal! Mmmm . . . yummy cinnamon oatmeal . . .

SHE'S BACK!

I wasn't dieting for a while - There was a lot of stress in our house for a while. While that's no excuse, sometimes it's cheaper to buy the bad stuff than the good stuff . . . so there you have it. And counting points and calories when you are stressed just doesn't help the stress level. So we put it aside.

I am no longer doing weight watchers. Not because I didn't love it - I did - but because I can no longer afford it. Although, I do have the "tools" - a journal, points calculator, couple of books, cookbooks . . . so I think I can do it on my own for a while. I do have a support system here, so I think I'll be okay.

That being said, I did maintain my weight loss, so I start over again exactly 11 pounds lighter than I was when I began the journey. That's a score for me. So now that the holidays and the new year is upon us, I have a few commitments to make.

Now I can say with full honesty that I WILL make cookies, and that I WILL eat a few - well maybe more than a few. But really, that's nothing compared to the crap I have been eating.

Everyone says that a good starting point is "positive affirmations". Well, it has been my experience that most of those are pretty hokey, so I made up a few of my own!

I will only buy Canadian bacon for myself. Everyone else can have sausage or bacon. I like the leaner stuff anyways.

Veggies are my friend, and there are some good winter ones out there that I love anyway!

Scrambled eggs with peas and mushrooms are actually pretty good - and I get a veggie in that way. Now all I have to do is omit some of the yolks and I'm good to go!

Counting calories suck. I just need to watch what I'm putting into my mouth - I've known this for years, now it's time to practice it.

Exercise isn't going to kill me. NOT exercising WILL.

I can do this. I KNOW I can do this.

It's not about being THIN it's about being HEALTHY.

10 down, 80 to go!

It has taken over a month, but I have FINALLY reached my 10 lb goal!! I am so excited! The thing is, I haven't been perfect with my eating and exercising - I know if I had been, I would have reached it quicker. But the fact remains that I'm obviously doing SOMETHING right, otherwise, I wouldn't have lost ANYTHING. Worse yet, I would have gained instead.

Now Ronnie, well he's lost 13 total.
But I think it's a guy thing.
Besides, I've lost more inches than he has, so I can't complain.

But I have reached my first goal.
My next goal is another 10 lbs. to bring the total to 20.
Then 30. Then 40. Then 50, 60, 70, 80, and 90. Then I will complete my final goal at 100 lbs lost. Whew. It seems like a long time coming. I know it can be done. I KNOW it can. After all. The first ten are the hardest . . . so they say.

But I'll leave the final total for next year.
For now, I focus on my next goal weight.

280 lbs.
Ten more pounds.

GO ME!!

Eat Something, Darn you!!

As a returning college student, I see tons of young women whose ideals about body image have been morphed and distorted by societie's unrealistic view of the "perfect woman". These girls wander around campus in their size 2 jeans complaining that they're getting "fat" (when you can still see their ribs). I wouldn't be so worried about it, except for one tiny detail. It's not just a handful of girls. Of the entire population of TWU, I would venture forth to say that a whopping 70% of girls here suffer from some sort of body image issue. Now, considering that around 60% are athletes (la crosse, softball, soccer, gymnastics, etc), that really says a lot about how we view perfection.

So, what is "perfection"? Personally, I don't believe it exists. There is no universal "perfect" form for the human body.

My DH, for example, has what you might call a "beer gut". He is very self concious about this. Me? I look at him every day and can't get over how unbelievably georgous he is to me. Not only do I not see his "gut" but I think I would miss it just a little if it wasn't there. Don't get me wrong - we are in this lifestyle change together for better or for worse. But regardless, I love him more now than the day we married. Beer gut or not.

And, of course, you all see my "unperfect" body shining in all it's glory right there on the front page of this blog. It is MORTIFYING to have that stare back at me. But I know that, eventually, that body is going to start shrinking. Little by little, it is going to melt away to my personal perfection. And what is that, you might ask? My perfection is a size 14. I believe that I will be around 180 or 190 when I reach this size. I do not ever want to be "thin". I love my body. I have curves, baby. I have hips, I have a butt, I have boobs. I don't ever want to lose those things.

The only reason I want to lose weight is 97.6%. The other 2.4% is, admittedly, based on the fact that I don't look good at 300 pounds and a size 26. But at 190 and a size 14? Oooh . . . I'll be SMOKIN'!

Well. . .

I lost. Just over a pound which brings the grand total to just under 8 lbs.

Although I know a pound a week isn't bad at all, I know that if I ate better I'd be losing a whole lot more. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that if I ate all my points, and ONLY my points every day, and saved my flex points for the weekend, I'd be doing a lot better. It's just so hard.

I have learned this week that:

1) Shopping on an empty stomach and leaving less than an hour beofore dinner time is never a good idea.

2) Cupcakes are NOT my friend - even un frosted mini ones.

3) Fruit and veggies ARE, on the other hand, my best friends

4) THIS IS NOT A DIET, IT'S A LIFESTYLE CHANGE

I also learned that a lot of people go off WW and gain all the weight back. Why? B/C they forget everything they learned. Bad food is okay - EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. But NOT every day.

Speaking of bad food, my one craving this week has been chili cheese tots. So, I made up a recipe that's not AS bad. Now this is NOT an everyday thing - BAD FOOD IMPROVED IS STILL BAD FOOD!! But, it's good for a treat every now and again, when the craving is too strong:

Better Chili Cheese Tots
Serves 4 at 5 points a piece

1/2 lb. bag frozen tater tots
1 can lean beef chili or turkey chilli
low-fat cheddar cheese

Spray a small roasting pan or cooking sheet with spray. Layer the tater tots and spray tops with cooking spray. Cook according to package directions until browned. Top with chili and cheese and bake until chili is bubbly and cheese is melty.

Like I said, NOT an every day treat, but okay for every now and again.

10 bucks says . . .

That I lose nothing this week. It's been a BAAAD week eating wise.

And I just had a mini pumpernickel loaf as a bed time snack. I bring it all on myself . . .

Tomorrow is "D" day . . .

IF I make it to the ten pound mark, I will be re-measuring myself and taking new pics (posting them alonside the origional). I am nervous and excited all at once. This is the first time that I have ever lost weight this regularly.

I'v had a rough week, eating wise, but I have made up for it in excersize, I think (well, except for that whatachickn sandwich the other night . . .). I just have to remind myself on a daily basis that this CAN and WILL happen. It's all about change, growth, and shrinkage.

Labor Day Weekend

Ugh, didn't do so well this weekend. Didn't do so BAD, but didn't do so well.

We had my cousin's birthday party Sunday - had about 30 points that night.
Monday, we were late coming back from the store, and had to stop at Whataburger - there's 20 points.
Last night we cooked out. Another 20.

So . . . today is all about getting back on track. I do have to say, though, we DID get our exercise in. So I guess that's a plus. But still, I felt sluggish the whole weekend and had no clue if it was the eating habits or the fact that I started my new BCP (that's a post for the OTHER blog) that was causing it. I vote eating habits.

Friday Weigh In!! (And another Recipe)

I am down to 293.4 lbs. So far, that is over 6 lbs lost in two weeks! I am getting really excited about this. Our bike is in today too, ready for pick up. That means that starting this weekend, Ronnie and I will be able to exercises on a daily basis, and we have no excuses for not doing it!!

Last night we had the BEST pot pie. It was so good, and only 10 points a serving!!

Turkey Pot Pie

(2 sm pot pies or one large one. 8 servings total at10 points a serving)

1 lb ground turkey breast (97/3)
1 package green giant immunity boost mixed veg, steamed in package
1 20 oz can green beans and potatoes, drained
1 can low-fat cream of chicken soup
1/2 c water
1/2 c 1% milk
1 T cornstarch
1 T water
1 T poultry seasoning
salt and pepper to taste

1 roll Pillsbury crescent dough

Brown meat and add the veggies. Heat through. Add soup, water, milk, and seasonings. Mix well to combine. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer 5 minutes. Mix cornstarch and 1 T water in a small bowl, add to mixture. Allow to simmer another 5 minutes. Turn out into 2 greased (with cooking spray) square glass baking pans or one large rectangular one. Roll out crescent dough just enough to press seams together. If using two pans, cut in half and stretch each half (gently) to fit the top of the pie. If using one, gently stretch to fit most of the top of the pie. Bake at 350 until bubbly and the topper is browned. Let sit at room temperature for at least ten minutes to cool and allow filling to set a little.

This was so good. Ronnie had two helpings, LOL. (Good thing he was low on points yesterday . . .)

Recipe!!

I had this the other night at a local mexican resteraunt. It was SOO good, I had to re-create it! AND, it's only 5 pts. a serving w/out the tortillas, and 9 with!!

Fajita Stir-Fry

4 servings

1/2 package Tyson fajita chicken strips
4 zucchini, cut into bite size pieces
3 yellow squash, cut into bite size pieces
1 cubanelle pepper OR 1 green bell pepper, cut into bite size pieces
3 carrots, cut into bite size pieces
1 large spanish onion, cut into bite size pieces
1 tomato, cut into bite size pieces
fajita seasoning, salt, and pepper to taste
2 T canola oil
16 corn tortillas

In a wok or large pan, heat oil until hot. Add carrots and stir fry for about two minutes. Add onions, peppers, squash, and zucchini. Stir fry for another 2-3 minutes, or until all are tender. Add chicken, and stir fry until just heated through. Add tomatoes, and stir fry until heated through. Add seasonings and combine thoroughly.

Serve with rice (optional) and/ or tortillas.

This was SOO good!! I was really hungry for fajitas, and this one was a little more figure-friendly. And FILLING. Neither me nor Ronnie could finish our plates!

Oopsiedoodles . . .

Did you know that a Cheesy Bacon Cheeseburger from TGI Fridays is well over 1,500 calories a burger? I didn't either. That was a 40 point lunch yesterday. My ENTIRE DAY spent on lunch. Holy freakin' cow . . . That's okay, I DID make up for it at dinner - I only had a few triscuit (I was still stuffed from lunch). And today, I'm (for the first time ever), actually UNDER in my points allowance. Yup. In fact, I think I will go have me a scoop of Blue Bell Light Cookies 'n Cream. 2 points. YUMMO.

I can't believe I lost!!!

Weigh in: 296.4!!!!!

Holy cow . . . I didn't think I would lose ANYTHING b/c of my messups this week, but i did! A LOT. According to the scale at my OB's office, I was 300 lbs. Going by that weight, I have lost FOUR POUNDS!! WOW!!

I am so proud of myself.
Oh and Ronnie? He lost 6 lbs! AND 1 1/2 inches. LOL. I'm so proud of him . . . HOPEFULLY we will FINALLY get our bike this weekend . . . Hopefully . . .

ARRGH . . .

I think I just need to get rid of EVERYTHING in my firdge/freezer and start from scratch. I did good for breakfast today. I had 1 packet of weight control oatmeal and a couple of pieces of toast with Smart Balance. 9 points total. THEN I saw the yummy leftover breakfast quiche in the freezer. This was around snacktime. 13 points. That brought my total up to a whopping 22 points. This was before lunch and dinner. So, lunch was a lean pocket and fruit salad which came out to a total of 11 points. Dinner is going to be grilled chicken, roasted veggies and brown rice, which will be an 11 point meal. Add it all up its a 44.5 point day. Now if I hadn't given in to temptation, and you remove the quiche from the list, then we have a grand total of . . . 31.5, leaving me 3.5 points to play with.

The sad thing is that Ronnie is having trouble getting ENOUGH points. He can't get enough, I am getting too many . . . we need a balance here. I know, it's only the first week, Rome wasn't built in a day, it took 7 days to create the earth, yadda yadda yadda . . . I just wonder though if 6 months down the line will it have changed? Will I look at myself and see a change?

I blew it today . . .

Breakfast was 2 eggs, one piece of sausage, and two pieces of whole wheat toast with margerine. That alone was 15 points. Then I REALLY blew it for lunch. I had an OB appointment and didn't get out of there until lunch time. I was STARVING. And there it was. Staring me in the face. ARBY'S. I was weak. I backslid. I partook in the most heinas thing a weight watchers member can partake in. A ROAST BEEF SANDWICH and SEASONED CURLY FRIES!!! Yikes . . . Ronnie's going to kick my butt . . . I deserve it too. Uuuugh . . . That's okay, though. I won't think about it just now. I'll think about it tomorrow. After all, TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY.

Day 1 and a recipe!

Today is the official start. We used the weekend to get rid of everything we can't have - candy, chips, etc. I even bought some candy for us to enjoy "one last time" and my mom made a "last chocolate cake" . . . Now it's veggies, fruit, lean meats, and very few carbs. SOME carbs - b/c w/out carbs I would (literally) die, but not many.

Tonight, we're having "squash and zucchini soup". Easy recipe, really. And very satisfying!

Squash and Zucchini Soup
4 zucchini, chopped into bite size pieces
2 yellow squash, chopped into bite size pieces
1 large spanish onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced or grated
1 can italian style diced tomatoes, with juice
1 box low-sodium or chicken stock

In a soup pot saute the onion until just tender. Add garlic and squashes. Saute a few seconds. Add tomatoes and stock. Bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer for 20 minutes, or until all the veggies are tender.

*You can add any vegetable you like to this. Tonight, I'm adding bell pepper to it, for a change. You can also add carrots, celery, leeks, jicama . . . really the sky's the limit!

BTW, one serving is only 3.5 points!! You can eat the whole pot and only spend 10 points!!! That leaves room for other goodies . . . :-)

Joined Weight Watchers . . .

For anyone watching my other blog, The Supermom Blues, you will remember my signing up for weight watchers today. I have decided to blog about my failures, frustrations and successes. I think it will 1) be therapeutic 2) help me to track my progress that much better 3) help anyone else on the road to weight loss and 4) enable me to have some support.

My starting weight is (today) *gulp* ( I can't believe I'm revealing this . . . ) : 298 lbs. Some of you may recall my once saying that if I ever reached a specific weight to just shoot me? Yup. I am two pounds shy of that. When I saw that scale, I wanted to cry. I didn't even tell Ronnie what my weight was. It was, and is, embarrassing. I just can't believed I allowed this to happen to me.

So, I am going to fix it. I am praying for strength, I am turning to God through all of it. With his help and with the love and support of all my friends and family, I know I can do this.

So, my goal? Well, right now it's 220. I think if I can get there, I'll be healthy. Well, healthy-ER, anyway.

I bought an exercise bike and some resistance bands (to use with my Yoga ball) today. When the fall semester begins, I will be able to use the campus fitness center free of charge. I am going to try to get Ronnie to go with me and the kids to walk the track at least once a week. I need to make this happen. I HAVE to make it happen.

It's time I started losing it.