Monday, January 24, 2011

Hi, I'm Jennifer. And I Am A Food-a-holic

This post was inspired by this post by my good friend Teri at her blog, Mirrors Never Lie. Check her blog out and give her some love!

Addictions are strong in my family.
Alcoholism runs on my father's side.
I battled my own addiction demons in the forms of marijuana, alcohol, and nicotine.
All of those addictions were easy to break compared to this one.
Food addiction affects millions of people across the globe.
And most of them don't even know it.

My own addiction blossomed sometime in my childhood. I had a rough one. We won't go into details here. I began to eat for comfort at a very, very young age. I ate, I gained weight. I became an overweight child. Perhaps I was even an obese child, I really don't recall much about that.

I do remember being mocked and scorned for my weight. This led to depression. Which led to more eating. More weight gain. More taunts. More depression . . .
And thus the cycle began.
I remember at one point being so depressed that I though about suicide.
A lot.
So I ate more to stifle these nagging thoughts.
And the cycle continued.

I began "self-medicating" with smoking at around 14 or 15. A few years later I would supplement that with marijuana and alcohol. All the while trying to stifle the feelings of depression.

When I quit drinking and smoking pot (I continued smoking for several more years), I returned to food. I gained close to 70 lbs within a year.

When I quit smoking, I turned to food even more.
I had no more addictions to turn to, I had to have SOMETHING, right?

After the birth of my second child, I hit 310 lbs.

I am now learning that food is the ROOT of my problems, NOT the solution.
I am learning that eating for comfort will only cause more problems.
I am learning that God made my body specifically so that I would know when to eat and when to stop, and I am learning when to listen to those triggers.

They say that a food addiction is even worse to deal with than smoking or drugs.
I believe it.

Here's to being losers in 2011!!


Michelle Saunderson said...

Hang in there. It is really hard, but we must overcome.

courtney said...

Oh, Jen...I know how hard it is, girl! I do! I ate like crazy as a young teen and then turned to smoking cigarettes and pot at the age of 18/19. I lost a lot of weight, but couldn't seem to take care of myself. When I would gain, I'd just start throwing up my meals. This went on for some years. My (now-deceased) brother had a drug problem then. I'm not talking about pot...I'm talking acid, ecstacy, uppers/downers, heroin, you name it. We made a pact one night that I would stop with the binging/purging if he would stop doing the hard drugs. I kept my end of the bargain (and a quick 20-25 lbs) and he did not. We lost Steven right before his 22nd birthday. His tox screen showed so much more than we even realized. I have to treat my addictions the same way now. They will kill me. This weekend, I ate way too much and I know it. I used nearly all of my daily AND weekly points with WW just YESTERDAY. It feels awful. Anyway, just wanted to tell you I know how it feels. And to give you a virtual HUG! *((*HUG*))*

Waisting Time said...

I think it would be harder to deal with because you could, in theory, abstain from alcohol or smoking, but you can't just NOT eat! I have wondered if I am actually a food addict.

Ana said...

Hi Jen...I'm Ana, and I am also a food-a-holic. Food is a daily, on-going battle. Let's beat this giant!

JMB said...

Hi Jennifer,

Hugs to you. From my own experiences now with my daughter and the genetic syndrome, I have learned that "food" is such a complex concept, sometimes. I am not a healthy eater - never was - and now with PWS in the house I am under constant scrutiny, and "food" has taken on an entirely new meaning for me! I'll be stopping by here to read your blog and see how you're doing...thanks for stopping by my blog. I did answer your questions, in the comments for that post.

Jen at "Say What You Need to Say"

Joanna said...

Sounds like we have a lot in common. I can relate to just about everything you wrote.

Just like we overcame our other addicitions - we will overcome this one!!!