Discouraged and Downtrodden . . .

I have fluctuated between the same five pounds for over a year now.

Sometimes I'm 288. 

Sometimes I'm 290.

Sometimes I'm 292.

If I were to ever see another number I'd be a happy girl.

Today was not that day.

Everyone - my husband, my friends, my family, even total strangers - tell me to not get discouraged. It takes time to lose weight.

But how can I do what I did this week and 

NOT. LOSE. A. POUND.

I am so discouraged right now, and I really feel like I am dealing with this alone, because I really don't think anyone understands.

I know that God has created me the way He wants me to be, but surly He doesn't want me to be 

290 lbs

??

I am praying for strength and guidance.

i just don't know what to do anymore.

Dreading the scale

Tomorrow is my weigh in day.

I am so nervous.

I've mentioned before my relationship with the scale.

Really it's a kind of unhealthy obsession.

But it's just sitting there. Daunting. DARING me to stand on it so it can show me just how close to 300 lbs I still am.

300 lbs.

I am praying so hard that I never see that number again in my life.

I looked at myself in the mirror last night, and wondered how my husband could possible be attracted to someone with my body. I felt ugly. I felt like that fat kid in high school that everyone loved to tease and taunt and make cry.

So I dread the scale. 

I've worked out more than I have in a long time this week.

I've cut way down on carbs and went way up on fruits and veggies.

Why am I so afraid?

I am praying that God gives me the strength to face tomorrow's number, no matter what it might be.

Why Water?

Most people go on a diet and the decide to stop drinking regular soda and make the switch to diet. I am guilty of this myself. But I have realized that soda may not be the way to go. Of course one or two during the course of the day should be fine, but all day long . . . notsomuch.

There are thousands, perhaps millions, of people that detest water. They don't like the colorless, flavorless properties of it. They believe it to be "boring". But what they don't know (or maybe they do, and just chose to ignore it) is the fact that water is one of the keys to weight loss!

Why is this? Well, for several reasons.

First and foremost, our bodies are made up of over 70% water. That means that the majority of our body mass is good old H2O. Throughout our day we lose quite a bit - up to 20% depending on activity. We NEED to replace that. Soda is thirst quenching for the moment, but don't do much for hydration in the long run. Only water can replace water, and soda is more carbonation and high fructose corn syrup than water.

Second, water is fat free, calorie free, sodium free, and carbonation free. Soda has the possibility of promoting stomach ulcers, kidney stones, and, according to one report, could possible be linked to osteoporosis. You'll never find water being accused of this.

Water was the first thing God created when he made the Earth (Genesis 1:2) - it was already there before even night and day. He put it here to nourish His earth, His creatures, and His children!

If you think water is boring or just doesn't taste good, try mixing it with citrus fruit, melon, or cucumber to add flavor. You can also drink sugar-free non-carbonated beverages such as Crystal Light, but drink these in the same moderation as soda - sugar substitutes can also be bad for you in large quantities!

So, next time you get thirsty, try reaching for a nice cold bottle of refreshing, clear, sparkling, calorie free water. In fact, I think I'm going to do just that right now.

My Wii and Me

I haven't used my Wii in over three months.
That would be MARCH since my last workout!
I could not believe it had been that long.

So I got on it this morning.
I did thirty minutes of yoga, boxing, step training, and my favorite - the ski jump.
I burned over my goal today too.
Exciting stuff.

Then I realized something . . .
In my day, I actually have enough time to do TWO of these thirty minute workouts and burn what my ACTUAL goal should be - 300 calories a day.

Now, the problem is the willpower.

This is where I need God's help.
I just don't have it.
I don't understand why.
I had enough willpower to quit smoking.
I have enough to get up early every morning and read my bible.
I have enough to get up and get my house in order.
But I don't seem to have it for this.
Why is that?

So everyday, I plan to pray for the willpower to do this. EVERY DAY.
I know that God will help me to fulfill His plan for me.
I just have to learn to rely on Him a little more, and myself a little less.

Self-Image

Psalm 139:13-16 

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

Weight loss is a journey that many people embark on. Most people, in fact, have spent their lives trying to lose that 5, 10, or 15 lbs. And many of those people have even more to lose - 40, 50, even 100 pounds or more.

And many of these people, again I will venture to say "most", are unsuccessful for the long term. People on diets or eating plans often lose will power and go back to their original way of eating. People who have had weight loss surgery often find ways to "eat around" their bypass or lap-band.

Even I have been unsuccessful in my journey.

Of course this leaves one feeling dejected, heartbroken, worthless. We see ourselves as failures, and often as unworthy of love. I am guilty of this.

But there is one thing that many dieters don't realize.

Until we can accept who we are, as wonderfully made in God's image, we will not be successful. It is our dependence on the Lord that will help us in this journey.

Of course we know the way to salvation is through Jesus Christ. But the way to health? YES.

WE ARE HUMAN. WE ARE INHERENTLY WEAK AND CANNOT FACE THIS BATTLE ON OUR OWN.

As Christians, we have admitted our weaknesses to God, and have admitted to ourselves that we can't do other things without His help. Why is weight-loss any different?

ONLY BY LEANING ON HIM, CAN WE BE DELIVERED FROM OUR WEAKNESS.

2 Corinthians 12:9 

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

WE ARE WEAK, BUT HE IS STRONG

Try this for a week - when you are tempted to eat after you are already full, pray.

When you are tempted to eat when you are not hungry, pray.

When you are tempted to eat that entire pint of Ben and Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar Crunch in your freezer, PRAY.

PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY

The Bible tells us to "Pray continually" (1 Thessalonians 5:16), this means in every aspect of our lives.

We are "Wonderfully and fearfully made" in the Lord. When we start seeing ourselves as such, and start praying always, as commanded, then, and only then can we be 100% successful.

And remember, it's not about being THIN. It's about being HEALTHY and being the people GOD wants us to be.

When do you KNOW it's working?

I frown at the scale quite often, a little wrinkle in my brow. It sometimes makes me so angry that this little flat box has so much control in my life. Up one, down three. Down five, up two. Down seven, up six. It's so frustrating sometimes. So what keeps my motivation going? Why don't I just give up and quit? Well, to be honest, it's moments like what happened to me this weekend.

We spent July 3rd with my husband's family at Lake Amon Carter (that's in Bowie, TX for those of you that aren't in the cool crowd). Emily spent the day splashing in the water with her cousins, Garrett popping firecrackers, Ronnie and I on the water. And then there was Jacob. Jake, 2, is a runner. He likes to run. He also likes to run AWAY. As Ronnie and I were trying to get aboard our Hobie 16 catamaran, Jake decided to take off running into the next lake lot, where (to my embarrassment and dismay) an elderly couple were enjoying some "quiet time". I chased him around our lake lot, to the next, around it, and back through ours before finally catching up with him, where I picked him up and firmly deposited him into his grandmother's waiting lap. Getting on the boast, I realized something profound.

One year ago, I would not have been able to do that. I would have gotten tired, had a cramp, SOMETHING. For SOME reason, I would not have been able to go after my son.

It was a great feeling.

So, the scale hasn't changed that much in the last year. My clothes haven't either, for that matter. But I am aware now of the fact that I must be doing SOMETHING right! Those little baby steps are adding up one by one.

So I'm gonna keep on keepin' on.