Hi, I'm Jennifer. And I Am A Food-a-holic

This post was inspired by this post by my good friend Teri at her blog, Mirrors Never Lie. Check her blog out and give her some love!


Addictions are strong in my family.
Alcoholism runs on my father's side.
I battled my own addiction demons in the forms of marijuana, alcohol, and nicotine.
All of those addictions were easy to break compared to this one.
Food addiction affects millions of people across the globe.
And most of them don't even know it.

My own addiction blossomed sometime in my childhood. I had a rough one. We won't go into details here. I began to eat for comfort at a very, very young age. I ate, I gained weight. I became an overweight child. Perhaps I was even an obese child, I really don't recall much about that.

I do remember being mocked and scorned for my weight. This led to depression. Which led to more eating. More weight gain. More taunts. More depression . . .
And thus the cycle began.
I remember at one point being so depressed that I though about suicide.
A lot.
So I ate more to stifle these nagging thoughts.
And the cycle continued.

I began "self-medicating" with smoking at around 14 or 15. A few years later I would supplement that with marijuana and alcohol. All the while trying to stifle the feelings of depression.

When I quit drinking and smoking pot (I continued smoking for several more years), I returned to food. I gained close to 70 lbs within a year.

When I quit smoking, I turned to food even more.
I had no more addictions to turn to, I had to have SOMETHING, right?

After the birth of my second child, I hit 310 lbs.

I am now learning that food is the ROOT of my problems, NOT the solution.
I am learning that eating for comfort will only cause more problems.
I am learning that God made my body specifically so that I would know when to eat and when to stop, and I am learning when to listen to those triggers.

They say that a food addiction is even worse to deal with than smoking or drugs.
I believe it.

Here's to being losers in 2011!!

TMI

Weight loss is a journey. Like alcoholism and drug addiction, food addiction takes "one day at a time" to overcome. Sadly, we can sabotage our own weight loss by doing TOO MUCH research. This confuses us and inundates us with information that we probably would have been better off without ever knowing.

Recently I got on a kick to eat only "all natural" foods and to cut out sugar substitutes from my diet. The first week, I lost five pounds. Every week hear after, however, I have steadily gained a pound a week. This tells me that the "all natural" route isn't necessarily the right one for me.

I also began doing in-depth research on sugar substitutes and sugar and sweeteners itself. I have found so many conflicting reports from people saying "everything's okay in moderation" to other people saying it's a conspiracy theory and it's all going to kill us. Mind reeling, I began to, quite literally, freak out. Then I realized something. FOR ME, it can't necessarily be about what to eat, what not to eat, or weather or not to have Splenda in my coffee tomorrow. It's about the fact that I have 120 pounds to lose - that's a whole person!! I have to figure out what CONSISTENTLY works for me, and KEEP WITH IT. It's about getting the weight off. Period.

So what works for me? Well, as much as I've tried to fight it, fact is, calorie counting is what works. Not weight watcher's points systems - to tell you the truth, I don't much trust anything I'm not counting myself. But pure writing down everything I put in my mouth and the calorie count for each thing. Right now, my calorie count should be around 1900-2100 a day. Over the past few weeks I have far surpassed that just by thinking the title "all natural" is going to make it okay. But it doesn't necessarily. Granted, I should still try to stick with all natural ingredients. But I need to count their calories. And truth be told, I personally FEEL BETTER and lose more weight using Splenda and aspartame (perhaps I'm pre-diabetic and didn't realize it?). So, I guess the point of this long-winded tirade is this: Find what works for YOU and JUST DO IT. Worry about getting the weight off FIRST, and let everything else come later. Don't do too much research either - sometimes too much information can sabotage everything you're trying to do.